One day you're just speeding along, doing what you need to do every day, when suddenly you realize something.
You lost yourself.
I don't mean 'lost yourself' like being deeply involved in a book. I mean when you're so darned busy, you forget you're a human being.
I have utterly, completely lost myself these past few months.
For the first time since our marriage, I had to work outside of my home. I worked at a fabric store eons ago, more for getting out of the house than a financial need so that doesn't count. This time I have to work- it's a totally different dynamic.
It's more of a culture shock, really. I no longer have the time to do the things that keep me sane. The things I like to do define me. And for the past few months, I've not had a chance to delve into the things that make me my creative, oddball self.
I miss me!
Some of you can understand how I feel. Some of you might think I'm whining. After all, I had eighteen years to do something with the talents God gave me...right? So what did I do with all that 'slopping over' talent? Not much, really.
I made my fair share of money. I've made handmade gifts for folks. I've even donated my work. My kids have quilts to keep them warm at night, my husband has a quilt that we share when watching movies, and my friends have their kids face painted by me at their parties, with their lady friends wearing my origami jewelry...
Hey, wait a minute. That's more than 'not much'- isn't it? Maybe my talents weren't wasted after all?
Maybe that's what I'm missing!
I like creating things. Oh sure, I like selling my work too, but I really love making crafts that others enjoy. I love writing, brainstorming, and creating new crafts, new characters, and new story ideas.
And that's what's going wrong. I haven't been able to create anything for almost three months!
Where did I go? I went to work. I get up, I work, I come home, I work, I cook, I go to meetings, I come home and sleep. The weekends are a little different, but not by much.
Creative minds need outlets. I haven't given mine any outlets lately, so it's shutting down and sulking somewhere in my mind- probably by the 'where did I put my keys' section.
I really need to get those creative juices going again!
It won't be easy. But it needs to be done. All work and no play makes Jacqueline a really tired, grumpy old sot. And nobody wants to be that when they grow up!
I still haven't decided what I'll be doing when I grow up- but whatever it'll be, it'll be creative!
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