Monday, November 7, 2011

Fried Brains, With a Side of Stupid

My hyper-kinetic brain came up with a brilliant idea. I was going to create a website, and sell my services as a poet/lyricist to help along the We-Want-To-Buy-A-House fund. All I had to do was buy a domain name, find a server and make the site.

Yeah, right.

I asked some of my younger and smarter buddies for help. That's where it went all higglety-pigglety.

'Do you know how to make a website?' I ask hopefully. 'Oh sure, that's easy!' they'd reply, 'Just click on the flibbity-floo and upload your snigglefritz, save the file, and you're all done!' Click the the WHAT? Load the WHO? It sounded like gobblygook to me!

Seeing the blank deer-in-the-headlights gaze I gave them, they showed me their websites and what they did on them, and I was really impressed. Pictures and home movies were there, with emails, links, streaming, and all those other website goodies, toting their wares as website designers.

And these were twelve year-olds.

Yet I was too proud to admit I wasn't as smart as them, so I faked understanding, went home, and gave it a go.

I clicked on what I thought was the flibbity-floo and found myself on a totally different part of my dashboard. Apparently I clicked in the whoozeewhatsis instead, and now I was in some kind of HTML thing with codes that looked like the Matrix. I went back and tried again. And again. The problem with computers is, they always do the same thing when you do the same thing. It's really annoying!

It took me two hours to make my logo and put it onto the first page. It took me another two to get an item on the menu bar. If I keep going at this rate, I'm going to die before I get the darn thing done! Part of me is wondering if dying would be worth it- just so I don't have to mess with this stubborn hunk of technological horse-poo. The only things keeping my sanity are my cats (major cuddle factor), and my husband, who can get me out of any computer mess. He can't help with the website, but he's a whiz at putting the CPU back together after I've finished whacking it with a hammer.

So here I sit with a half-baked website, two menu items that lead to blank pages, and a really cool looking logo. I think that's a good for a week of torture, don't you?

I can see this as a diner scene in a bad movie:

'Fried brains with a side of Stupid, please.' I ask the waitress.
'Would you like a cup of 'Duh' to go with that?'
I sigh. 'Yes, I would, thank you.'

It's going to be a long week.

I'll keep you posted, but in the meantime you might want to send me some chocolate- I think I might need it!


Janette said...

I know exactly what you mean! Tried to set up a blog to use for my classes - huge exercise in frustration! Now, I don't have the time or energy to go back to work on it. Spanish students in room H123 will have to survive another year old-school.

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