New things are scary; more scary than any horror movie ever created.
Because real life doesn't end with a series of credits and bonus features. You have to live with the choices you make.
But wait a second. God says not to fear. He wants us to trust Him, and Him alone. Human beings aren't afraid when we're born; we learn to fear as we grow up.
Fear is a spoiled brat. It has no intention of leaving us be. Trusting God means fear won't get any attention- so sometimes it throws a fit.
It makes us angry.
It makes us hate.
It makes us lash out, hurting everyone around us.
It makes us hermits, physically and emotionally.
Yet we feed it, and it gets bigger. And big brats become bullies.
Is fear bullying you? I know it bullies me. A lot.
I let fear get to me too often. Fear of failure, fear of success. Fear that no one will ever like me. Fear of disappointing the ones I love. Fear of not getting approval from those I don't even like. My fear bully has gotten too big for its britches. But how do I fight the bully in my heart?
That's the best part. I don't have to. God is already with me. I just have to step aside and trust Him.
Talk about scary!
Part of me wants to trust wholeheartedly- the other part is a fearful cynic listening to the bully. Sometimes I find myself challenging God- Me- like I'll actually win! I hear myself making bets with Him like "Okay Lord, I'll trust You with the finances this time- so let's see what You can do with this mess."
Granted, not one of my best ideas.
Occasionally God takes me up on my so-called challenges, and surprises the heck out of me. Then my cynical side can't say squat.
Lately life has been too busy for me to be afraid. Have you ever been that busy? I can't say I have either- until I challenged God about the finances. Now I have more jobs coming in than I can handle, with a lot of potential side jobs sprinkled liberally on top.
I know better than to challenge God...now. Instead I've been praying to Him for guidance in picking the right jobs. To work smarter. To bless others with the skills He's given me as I pay off my financial sins.
I haven't had time to fear. And the blessings are rolling in. Weird, huh?
Fear isn't getting my attention. It's been trying to throw fits, but I'm too busy to notice. Maybe that was God's plan. Maybe not. He does things His own way, and I've learned (at least in part) to get the heck out of His way and not try to second-guess Him.
I hope it sticks. I like not being afraid.
As I learn to trust Him more and more, the bully will become a brat, and the brat will eventually disappear. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the peace in the parts of my life that I've handed over to Him, and pray for Him to help me let go of the rest.
Because giving up all of me is still scary. But it's less scary than it used to be!
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