Monday, December 28, 2015

The Present vs.The Future Thinker

The other night I was talking with my husband about the future. I don't know why I still do this; after eighteen years of marriage, I get the same answer:

Me: What do you see yourself doing five years from now?
Him: I have no idea.
Me: not even an inkling of what you'd do?
Him: Not really.

Do you see what I have to live with, creative people? He's a present-minded person, and I'm a future-minded person. He drives me crazy! I married a guy with no imagination- except when it comes to the present. Only then does he shine.

If I need something special made or done within a few days, he's the man for the job. But if I want him to help with a five-year plan for our lives? I'm doing it myself.

Though I have to admit sometimes his way is better. Sometimes.
Let's take the finances for instance. One week we didn't make the quota I set to keep the budget on track...

Him: Well, we didn't make it this week, but we should be okay if I can do some side jobs in the next few days- and if I can't, we'll manage. I'll pray about it and see what God does.

Me: We didn't make the goal? Okay, if we can't find extra work, that means I have to stint on the groceries this week, or buy a little less for the whole month. We have to eat though, so if that doesn't cover it that means we can't pay the mortgage, then they'll come take the house and we'll be homeless- I better pack up some essentials with extra blankets and pillows just in case...maybe we can use the camping tent on the streets? Maybe the cops won't arrest the lot of us and put us in jail- I can't get a fifth job if I have a record....

As you can see, my perspective is much more reasonable. Extra blankets and pillows are needed because it's winter- duh.

His perspective does take the worry out of the picture. Of course it doesn't always keep the lights on, but at least it will be darker at night since the clock radio won't be shining its bright digital display at me.

Hmm...Maybe God had a point when He said not to worry for the future? At least not so much that worry is all we do.

Future thinking has it's advantages and disadvantages. Future thinkers like me are the ones always inventing new things, writing new books, and creating new crafts. In fact, we can't stop coming up with new ideas! But a detailed future-minded imagination can be a heap of trouble too; like the time before cell phones when I couldn't contact my husband when he was working late, and by the time he came home, I had his funeral planned and was on the floor sobbing in a puddle of tears- all because he never heard the work phone ring over the noisy machines.
Of course he didn't think to call, because he told me a few days prior that he was working that night- I just forgot! Present thinkers...bah!

God said not to worry about the future. He's got our back. Had I known Him better back then, mayhaps my husband wouldn't have found a sopping wet wife with swollen eyes and the funeral parlor on the phone the moment he came in the door!

You future thinkers- you creative minded folks know exactly what I'm talking about. You present thinkers probably think I'm one chapter short of a Bible. That's okay. I probably am. Future thinkers are usually a little bit loopy- that's what makes us so special.

I'll probably never fully understand my husband. He'll never ever understand me. So I'll make my five-year plans, ignore his smirks when I show them to him, and I'll ignore his lack of a future imagination. I'm just glad we both have cell phones when he goes to work!

What will we be doing in five years? I don't have a single idea. I have twenty. And maybe, just maybe, one of them will come true. But that's not up to me or my husband- that's up to God. I think I can handle that. But I still like to dream about it!

Monday, December 21, 2015

I'm Hypercrafetic!

The definition of hyperkinetic means fast-paced or frenetic activity. This implies physical movement. But for those whose brains just can't stop creating new things to do (like mine), I have dubbed a new term- hypercrafetic. In other words, your brain is constantly turned on, the creative juices are not just flowing but are torrent, and there's no way to shut it off- not even with chocolate.

If my body matched the speed of my brain right now, weight loss wouldn't be a problem- weight gain would be. I'd be skin and bones, covered in craft glue, glitter, and little bits of fabric and paper.

But my Etsy shop and home would be awesome.

My entire house would have hand-crafted furniture with intricate ornate carvings, the curtains home-sewn, and the cats would have bedazzled collars- not to mention the homemade three-day gumbo simmering in the crockpot for dinner. Maybe I'd even quilt a cozy for the car.

I've limited myself to two crafts; paper and fabric. Little does my husband know when I made this promise just how diverse paper and fabric crafts are! Foolish mortal, never mess with a hypercrafetic woman! Here's a small example of my interests.

My personal paper crafting faves are:

Paper cutting
paper sculpting
card making
paper beads/jewelry
game creation (board and cards)

My personal fabric crafting faves are:

denim bags
fabric bowls/boxes
home dec (small items)
accessories (for the purses)
Outerwear (scarves, vests, etc.)

And this list is just off the top of my head!

This doesn't include writing, which also permeates everything I do. Ideas for writing pop up several times a day, and I'd have to write for another three hundred years before I'd finish half of them- and that's if I had no more ideas in the meantime! 

Yah- never gonna happen.

Just for fun, here's a list of current topics I'm writing for books, magazines, and fun:

blogger (this one was obvious...right?)
family humor
fantasy (at least three in several stages)
children's (I have about nine in the works at present)
Women's humor
How NOT to (at least one parody and one serious)
puzzles (word and math)

And I have file folders full of anything else that pops into my head!

Part of me feels like starting a Crafters Anonymous chapter- but the problem is, if I got a bunch of other CA members to join, we'd come up with even more ideas to make awesome stuff! Going to CA? We have jackets- really nice hand-crafted ones with beadazzling, tons of pockets and a GPS system so our husbands can find us...eventually.

And I bet all of them would start out with the same club confession...Hi, My name is _______, and I'm hypercrafetic....

I like being hypercrafetic. I get excited by all the new ideas, the plans, the out-of-the-box thinking that often comes along for the ride. My biggest regret is that I don't have the time to devote to doing most of the things that pop into my head. The best thing I can do to stem the tide is write and craft whenever I can, and share my ideas with others- maybe they can do something with the ideas that I can't- And we all know what that means- I might have to write another book!

Maybe "The Inspirated Guide of Neato Ideas"? Hmm....

Monday, December 14, 2015

No Time For Christmas!

No Time for Christmas

They say that it's Christmas
but all through my house
there is one tired wife
and her quite tired spouse.

The kids are on cell phones
the dishes aren't done
the floors aren't vacuumed
and errands aren't run.

My house has no tinsel
no garland, no tree
no ornaments shining
no lights or candy.

They say that it's Christmas
but the weather is warm
too hot for a sweater
or chilly snowstorm.

No cookies are baked, 
no pies in the oven
no time for kid cuddles
or family fun lovin'.

So what is the point?
I ask with a sigh,
I'm too busy to wrap
Barely time just to buy!

I bought things on Ebay
and Amazon too
and they will all get here
before Christmas is due.

So here are your gifts guys
You wrap them instead
I'm going upstairs
and I'm going to bed!

Is this you? I know this is me!

Monday, December 7, 2015

Asperger Teen vs. Mom

I love my son. I do. Really. But sometimes I wish I had a Star trek Translator so I could understand how he thinks.

He has Aspergers. It's high on the autism spectrum, and that means he's able to find a new way to do Trigonometry, but can't wash a dish properly to save his life.

Let's just say that living with him is both a tremendous blessing, and might cause me to have psychotherapy very, very soon.

Let me explain what living with an out-of-the-box thinker is like:

At three years old, he loved his 'big boy' underwear so much that he wore it for at least two days. I told him that morning to put on a clean pair, to which he replied, "Okay mom!" Later that evening, I was getting him ready for a bath and noticed that he had on two pair of underwear- the old ones underneath, with the clean ones on top. You see, I never told him to take the old ones off!

When he was ten, his younger sister became afraid of graveyards. Every time we drove by one, she would try to hide. During one episode, he put his arm around her and said in a soothing tone "Don't worry- it's just a bunch of leftover people."

My daughter was tickling him behind his knee, and wouldn't stop. Finally, he yelled, "Would you stop tickling my leg pits?!?"

And now he's a teenager. 

The game has changed to one of strategy, cunning, and trickery. I swear, the kid could be a lawyer, he finds so many loopholes! So now I have to watch everything I say, how I say it, and in what order I say it. For example:

We had a really messy kitchen. Dishes, pots and pans everywhere because my husband (the chef of the family) can't cook with less than one hundred culinary tools. I told my son to wash the dishes. He washed them. The ones in the sink. He didn't seem to notice the ones on the counters next to the sink, the stove, the get the idea.
Yet whenever I tell him to wash the dishes step-by-step (please wash the ones on the counters, stove, etc.) I get an eye roll and "I know Mom...I know! You told me a hunnerd times...I know what to do!"- and then he still doesn't do them. This might be partly the fault of being a teen, but I know the Aspergers has something to do with it too. If there's no interest, it doesn't get done.

Now if the dishes were all Star Wars related, they'd be shiny clean and displayed all over the kitchen. But they're not, so they remain in the sink, slowly becoming my daughter's next science experiment.

He will also argue with me until he thinks I'll give in. I'll admit he's good at arguing- the boy can argue the paint off a door- but when I want something done, I want it done, period. He's taller than me so I threaten to climb a ladder to swat him upside the head if he doesn't listen; then he grins and does at least one of the things I told him to.
And then off he goes, up to his room, before I notice he:

Didn't do it,
Didn't finish it, or
Did it wrong.


Dishes with either so much soap they're greasy, or so greasy I know he didn't use soap. Crud never scrubbed off (because it's too hard, Mom!) or dishes soaking for three years for the same reason. The stovetop looking like a Zombie Apocalypse because he forgot to wipe it down when everything was still liquidish. Dishes on the drainer for three days so God can dry them, or stacked in the cabinet wet, so the cabinets warp.

And this is just doing the dishes. Can you imagine the chaos when I had him on laundry duty? Three loads of moldy laundry got him off that chore list quick!

But maybe that's his plan.......

I love my son. I do. Really. So I'll put up with the arguments and the dish fiascoes and the Star Wars paraphernalia all over the house. But when he get's his own place, I am not going over there for dinner- unless he's getting take-out! 

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Secret Sin Is Like Cheating On A Diet

 You see a bowl of chocolate on the table. But you're on a diet. You're not supposed to be having chocolate (or any kind of sugar for that matter), but the candies are so small- no one will miss just one...right?

So when no one is looking you take one. Oh man, did that taste good! The next thing you know the bowl is half empty, yet no one suspects you- because you're on a diet.

You know you snuck it.
Your hips will know you snuck it.
And everyone will know- when you can't fit back into your jeans- that you ate something you shouldn't have been eating.

Secret sins are a lot like cheating on a diet.

No one sees you do it. The only ones who know are you and God. But eventually that sin will start to show in everything that you do, much like the extra calories on the hips. Your sins will show in your actions. Your words. How you react to things. And the longer you continue secret sins, the more it shows, like tomato juice on a white rug. If you clean it right away, you might be able to get most of it out, but leave it there and you're going to need a pair of scissors to get rid of it.

Or in the case of consistent overeating, liposuction.

The funny thing is, you can't hide it from God. He knows everything- it's an omnipresent thing with Him. He's got to be in everyone's business to get them back on the right path- sometimes against our so-called better judgement. I believe that's why this world is in so much trouble. 

Our current culture is to revel in sin. Sin isn't really bad if it feels/tastes/looks good. And if you sneak it, it doesn't count. In fact, there's probably an app for that. There's probably twelve apps for that!

I know what secret sins I do. You know yours. Personally, I don't want people finding out I ate that chocolate- I'd rather skip lunch and count the calories even than to gain and have people see me fail. But I've already failed the moment that chocolate touched my lips. God doesn't give a hoot that we've sinned, because we all have done it- it's our nature! But He does care if we repent of them- especially the secret ones. He doesn't even care if we falter during the process of giving it up- as long as we keep coming back to Him for advice, support, and love.

God loves us, even if we have chocolaty-smeared faces. All He wants is for us to love Him, praise Him, and come to Him when we slip.

And that's so much better than liposuction when you cheat on your diet!