Let's get this straight. I. Am. Not. Old. Just because I ache from neck to knee from going food shopping, doesn't mean I have one foot in the grave. But it doesn't mean I can run a marathon either.
If I was fit it would be another matter, but I'm neither fit, nor a spring chicken. I just tell my kids to stop the the old lady jokes and pass me my darn teeth- because I forgot where I put them.
This is what I tell my children:
I am not old- my joints just need oiling. All those popping noises you hear when I stand up are just figments of your imagination- probably from having those nasty little ear bud thingies in your ears for too long.
I am Not old. So what if I have a few teeth missing and bad gums? That's because I didn't listen to my mom when I was little, and now it's payback time. Do you want teeth like mine? Then keep forgetting to brush your teeth like I did. This is the perfect time to prove to me that you are so not me. Be a rebel and brush, dagnabbit!
I am NOT old. I'm not even youth impaired. I am youth intolerant. Especially when it comes to your music. Who sings that stuff anyway? Rabid weasels? And who writes the lyrics? Someone with absolutely no decent morals? Maybe you should go to your room and read your Bible until I find you someone nice to go out with who doesn't text when I'm talking to them.
I. Am. Not. Old. I am not slow, I am tired- I just unloaded the car of groceries to keep you metabolic super-brings from perishing of hunger. I'll make dinner after I take a nap. Go do your homework.
I am not old. I am well-seasoned. I am fine wine. (I was going to say well-aged cheese, but that stuff smells and gets moldy as it ages.) I am real chocolate covered cherries (the kind with the clear yummy stuff inside of it, not those cheapo knockoffs). It takes a good amount of time to become this wonderful.
Inside I am twenty-two. Outside, I am....not. If the mind truly did rule the body, my innards and outards would match, but they don't. They're not even close. But I am young at heart, and that will keep me alive longer than if I was an old curmudgeon who didn't smile at the irony she faces in the mirror each day.
So I'm not as young as I used to be. It's better than not getting any older...right? Sometimes it's nice to take a nap once in a bit. I think everyone should take one at least a few times a week- it might make the world a happier place. As for the noisy popping- I think I'll record it as a rap beat and make an album...oh wait, they don't make those anymore. Soundtrack? No. There's no record button on the computer, so now what? Bah! Maybe I'll just ask my daughter after she gets home- and I get my nap!
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