Monday, June 3, 2013

Marriage Whoas

It happens even in the best of marriages.


You argue. You yell. You say nothing because the other person is being a complete pinhead. Even if you know you were a little wrong, that other person you married is wronger* than you.

Yes, it happens. Even to people who married their best friends and still hold hands after a decade and a half of marriage. 

The question is- once a problem ensues, what do you do about it?

You could tell your spouse how you feel- at the top of your lungs.
You could take your anger out on your spouse's things, 'accidentally' breaking or throwing out something he/she cherishes.
You could bottle it all up inside and show a pleasant face, never letting he/she know what the issue is- and get sick over it.
You could be snarky and grumpy until he/she figures out what's wrong.
And as a Christian, you could smack them over the head with your bible and then pray over them until they regain consciousness.

Let's face it, we have all contemplated one or more of these things- possibly even done a few- but none of these is the best answer. I don't have 'the' answer- that would be between you and your spouse- but I do have 'an' answer that might help.

Bring it out, Talk it out, Get it out.

Bring it out. The best way of dealing with an issue is to stop keeping it to yourself and tell your spouse what's on your mind. No yelling, no nagging, no pointing fingers- just let them know that something is bothering you and you need to get it out in the open. Wounds unattended tend to fester before you know it.

Talk it out. Don't say 'You', say 'This'. "This' is what's been frustrating me. "This' has been bothering me lately. I'd like to deal with 'this' in a way that we can both be happy. Pointing fingers will get you nowhere and make your spouse defensive and close-minded. 
Deal with the issue that's bothering you, not the person. Say the issue was finances. Instead of saying 'You really need to stop spending so much money' you can tell them your real concern, 'I'm worried that we won't have enough to pay off our debts. Help me figure out how to cut spending.' You're still dealing with the issue without pointing fingers- or whacking him/her over the head with a Bible. And your spouse gets the chance to be the hero/heroine and help you.

Get it out. After it's discussed, leave the situation alone. Don't bring it up anymore. If the issue still persists after a month, bring it up again and discuss it. The best situation is that the issue gets solved- the worst case scenario could mean counseling. Either way you'll have a better grip on the situation and can deal with it without getting ulcers. Taking action will help reduce the worry, and you'll have a stronger, deeper relationship because you both know you can always go to the other when you have a problem.

Marriage isn't a 50/50 deal. it's 100/100. You both need to be the best partner you can be- and that means working out the rough spots even when you're sweetheart (or you) is being a pinhead!

*I know 'wronger' isn't a word, but when you're mad at someone, you don't always use good grammar or diction. So there.


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