Monday, June 22, 2015

A Hot Mess

I'm a hot mess. 
I'm hot, and the house is a mess.

The only time menopause is a good thing is when it's winter and you can heat the house for free. But in the summer, it can be downright volcanic. This is not the time to fudge on housework, yet it's the perfect time to fudge on housework.

You know it's time to take a break when you're mopping the floor and realize most of what you're cleaning up is your own sweat. Cold showers and powerful ceiling fans are your friends. Thank You God for inventing condensation!

Yes, we are blessed with AC- but that doesn't mean the sweating stops- oh no. I could blink too fast and start sweating like a racehorse- I don't care what the temperature is outside.

As for me and my house, we're supposed to serve the Lord. Let's just say if He came today, I'd be going to Hell.

*knock knock knock*
Me: Who's there? Jesus? Um...are You sure You want to come in?
Jesus: *nods and smiles, and says nothing*
Me: *let's Him in* Um..Pardon the mess- this decade has been pretty rough..*doesn't mention the fact that I've only been here for two years*
Jesus: *climbing through the mess, pets the cats, then looks around, flabbergasted*
Me: I'm going to Hell, aren't I...
Jesus: *considers this for a moment* No, but you're definitely not going to be part of the cleaning crew in Heaven....

I can totally see this happening to me.

Mehtinks that mayhaps I better get my butt in gear and clean this place before the Second Coming. Or at least before we invite someone over for dinner.

Maybe if I filled the bathtub with cold water and just dunked myself in it fully clothed when a hot flash hits, it might not be so bad. But part of me wonders if Hell is so hot because there are menopausal women who never cleaned their houses down there, and the devil is making them do housework for eternity....

That's it- where's my mop?


Mary Dolan Flaherty said...

Beth, I can so relate to the hot flashes! My husband actually asked me if I burn calories when I sweat. I wish! And I love your humor. I saw your name listed as one of the "staff" at the GPCWC. This will be my first year (information overload already, and I haven't even gotten there yet!), and I look forward to meeting you there!

Beth Brubaker said...

@Mary Dolan Flaherty

I look forward to meeting you too, Mary! :)

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