Here I am, still sorting out a huge pile of books and papers representing my life.
Bills. Ads. Tons of notes. But what's this? Oh, the missing manuscript I was looking for before the writer's conference. The one I never had time to write a proper proposal for because of the previous chaos. Joy and Rapture, I found it too late- my cup runneth over with no publishing prospects. Again. Ugh.
And yet, once the other papers were sorted, I started leafing through this manuscript- the one I'd haven't read in over a year. Oddly enough, I was reading it like a reader, not a writer. And what I read was surprising.
The stories made me laugh.
A second surprise- I realized that I really am a writer. The fact that I can read my manuscript and still giggle tells me that it's pretty darn good- and that yes, it seems I really do have a God-given gift, and my stories might bring others joy.
I'm a writer, dagnabbit!
Honestly, I'm not trying to toot my own bicycle horn here- I'm as surprised as anyone else! The stories I read made me remember when my brother's goldfish 'mysteriously' died under my care, I felt the awe when seeing my mom panic upon receiving my first scar, and the heat from the glares of the grumpy old man that lived down the street- and the fear I felt when he threatened my little life if I rode my Big Wheel just one more time on his property.
I am a writer. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.
It's the strangest feeling, reading your own work and realizing that it's not moose drool. In fact, I'm encouraged to get that sucker published- if it gets in the right hands. Those hands might even be my own.
If you're not a writer, you might not understand. Writers are a very unstable lot- we spend hours in a room by ourselves, writing, writing, writing, then when we're done, we want to go out somewhere to be alone. The truth is we just spent an entire writing session with a bunch of characters in our head, and we need time by ourselves to clear our thoughts.
We constantly second guess ourselves, are over critical of our work, and wonder 'why, oh why did we even try to write this drivel'? Even when published, we wonder if others will see value in our work- though I admit, I have yet to experience that particular phobia.
Writers are a crazy bunch, but an interesting one!
I have two manuscripts. One is long, and one is short. And both could still use a little tweaking. The problem is, a writers' work will always need tweaking- we just have to learn to stop before we tweak the heart and soul out of a manuscript!
I read the stories. I giggled some more. I put the manuscript down with a smile. My work wasn't moose drool after all.
I am a writer, dagnabbit!