Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Man vs. Woman Hours

Time is consistent. We have clocks, time zones, and calendars to mark the passage of it, and most people on this earth are all synchronized with time so that appointments can be made, plans executed, and rush hours avoided.

However, there are other types of time that have yet to be fully understood. One is Man Time, and the other Woman Time. These times are never the same when one is away from the other. Let me explain.

When a woman and a man are together (especially if they're married), their clocks synchronize. 1:00 pm is 1:00 pm, and there is very little deviation from the world timeline. A Man Hour is the same as a Woman Hour. But if he needs a part or a tool and has to go to the store, or is involved in ministry? Times, they are a changin'!

'I'll be back in an hour, Sweetheart' can be translated to these timelines:

Hardware store: 1 hour = 2.5 hours per project
If he takes a buddy with him: 1 hour = 3 hours
Car part store: 1 hour = 1.5 hours
Or if he is a car enthusiast: 1 hour = 4 hours
If he is involved in ministry: 1 hour = 2 hours
If he runs the ministry: 1 hour = 6 hours
If he's involved in more than one ministry: 1 hour = 1 day

Using this chart, let's do a few examples. 

Husband needs to go to the hardware store around noon. Don't expect him back until at least 2:30. If he has more than one project to shop for, you might want to make other plans to be out of the house- you won't see him until tomorrow.

The car needs a part. Husband goes to the car shop at noon, don't expect him to return until at least 1;30. He's probably waiting for the part to be delivered and is shopping for upgrades. If he finds the upgrades while waiting, it will take an additional 2.5 hours for him to install said upgrades in the car shop parking lot. Plan an early dinner, since he intended to be back for lunch and never ate.

Ah, the involved man of ministry- A dedicated man he is! If he's lightly involved in ministry and starts at noon, expect him back around 2:00 pm. It will take him one hour to do the work, and one hour to chat with the guys. 

If he runs the ministry, he won't be home until dinnertime. It might have been a one hour small project at the start, but since so many guys showed up, he adds just a few more smaller projects, and maybe one or two bigger ones since they're here working anyway. And let's not forget he ordered pizza for them so they'd stay longer- and forgot to save you any, because you we're supposed to have lunch together.

And if that ministry coincides with one or more of his other ministries...let's just say you have the weekend all to yourself.

To be fair, there's also Woman Time. Depending on the circumstances, these times can change, but it isn't the same for all women. We like to keep the guys on their toes.

The woman's 'I'll be back in an hour, Sweetheart' timeline can look something like this:

Dutiful shopping (errands for the family like groceries, etc.) 1 hour = 1 hour
Dutiful shopping if there's a sale: 1 hour = 1.5 hours
Fun shopping (going to shop for herself): 1 hour = 2 hours
If she's a clothes horse and shoe lover: 1 hour = 5 hours
If she's a crafter: 1 hour = 4 hours
If she's a crafter 'just looking': 1 hour = 6 hours
If she's with a friend, multiply by 1.5
If she's with more than one friend, multiply by 3
If she's involved in a ministry: 1 hour = 1.5 hours
If she runs the ministry: 1 hour = 2 hours (because she has to clean up)
If the ministry is a social event: 1 hour = 3 hours
If the ministry social event has food: 1 hour = 4 hours

If she's by herself, expect to see her soon, but if she's with friends... You might want to call the guys in for a ministry project!

I'm just here to help, folks. Now when your other half tells you he'll be back in an hour and you know what he's involved in, you can plan accordingly. Just remember to apply your own timeline so you can at least see each other once before you go to sleep that night!


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