Monday, July 11, 2016

I Hate Cancer

This is one of the hardest posts I've had to write.

My mom has cancer.

She's been going downhill health-wise for about two years now, but refused to go to doctors. I tried to convince her otherwise, but when she doesn't want to do something, she is a force to be reckoned with.

She lost weight. A lot of it. She slept more. Ate less. But still refused to get checked out.

I heard from neighbors that she had fallen outside her apartment a few times in the past year, and was too weak to get up on her own, laying on the ground until they saw her and helped her get back inside. She never said a word to anyone until I heard through the grapevine weeks later.

Two weeks ago, her sisters went for a visit and found she hadn't gotten out of bed for a while. She was very weak and in a lot of pain. They took her to the ER.

That's when they found it; Cancer. The trunk of her body is riddled with it. Then we were told the worst. No Chemo. Inoperable. Terminal. 

She had waited too long.

The first doctor said six months. The second doctor said she had weeks. Only God knows when her time will really be up. She was no longer self-sufficient and needed 24/7 care.

I found a center for pain management and therapy to help her gain strength and mobility. They would make sure she eats and drinks regularly, and help her to the restroom. It kills me that I can't help her, but I'd have to live with her to do that- I can't stay at her place, and my home isn't suitable for her because she's a serious fall risk.

She has moments of confusion which are becoming more frequent. She still thinks she's going back home. I haven't the heart to tell her otherwise.

Unless God has other plans, she'll be in His hands soon.  

I hate seeing her fade a little more each day. 
I hate seeing her suffer.
I hate cancer.

God is good. His Will be done in all things. Whatever happens, watch over her Lord, and give her peace.

I love you, Mom.

2 comments:

thea williams said...

Oh, Beth, be assured of my prayers. She is blessed to have a daughter like you who cares so much. Take care, my friend.

Mary Flaherty said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Beth. I know how devastated I'd be if it were my mom. And you're sandwiched in between the needs of your kids/family and wanting to help your mom---after all, they helped us all our lives and we want to be able to do the same. I feel your pain, and I pray that God allows her time left here on earth to be filled with sweet moments.

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