As Anne of Green Gables would say (with much dramatic flourish), I was in "The Depths of Despair".
Okay, so last week I wasn't completely in the depths, but I was extremely hormonal, cranky and grumpified.
At first I thought it was the hormones, but it turned out to be a terrible lack of purpose. I'd lost focus (again), and took my eyes from where God wanted me to be. Where did He want me to be? Life changed so fast in the past few weeks that I'd lost my way. Again.
It was time to have a talk with The Big Guy.
One thing I love about Him is I can talk to Him as if He's right in the room with me, having tea- or in my case, folding laundry. So I sat down, pulled up a basket, and laid out my issues in from of Him- like He didn't already know everything about me.
He knows every little hair on my head- even the grey-...er...platinum blonde ones. But talking aloud helped me, and He knows that too.
I'd spread myself too thin. I had my fingers in too many pies. And after talking with Him, I realized I was trying to do His job for Him. Eventually I stopped talking (and folding clothes) and sat back to listen. Really listen, not just the "let my mind wander and see what happens" kind of listening I usually do.
Well shucky-darn and slop the chickens, I received an answer! My problems were His, and He's got my back. Stop worrying and focus on this, this, and this. These things are your purpose.
Then something unexpected happened. I began to feel joy.
There's comfort in knowing what you're supposed to do, and that you don't have to take on the world by yourself. You also don't have to hide in the shadows either. I know my problems are still here- but I no longer have to worry about them. Because God's got my back.
I have focus. I have purpose. And now I have joy!