Monday, July 18, 2016


My mom is with Jesus.

No more suffering.
No more pain.
No more struggling spirit in a failing body.

My mom and I didn't have the best relationship. She kept her past to herself and refused to tell me anything unless she was angry and something slipped out.

Sometimes what she said hurt deeply- it put up barriers in our relationship. Every year the wounds would fester and we'd get further and further apart. She said she wanted a relationship, but whenever we became close again, she would push me away. Finally I stayed away. At least in my heart.

It was decades before I forgave her. It wasn't easy. I knew that she would still push me away and we'd never be really close. It didn't matter. God had lifted a heavy burden from my heart the moment I forgave her. 

Two years later, she was diagnosed with cancer. Three weeks later, God called her home. Time isn't merciful when things are left unhealed. In that two year period, I did all I could for her. Last week she told me how much she loved and appreciated me as I held her hand. Hearts were healing when she passed.

I never appreciated just how many gifts my mother gave me.
She gave me the love of the written word. She gave me the gift of cadence; recognizing patterns in speech and music so I could write songs and poetry. She gave me the love of laughter- great big belly laughs that required a change of undergarments.
And she was the one that introduced me to God.
She has taught me so much.

God is good.
He has taught me so much.

Love deeply. 
Refrain from hurtful words.

Because time isn't merciful. 
But God is.

Goodbye Mom. I love you. Don't forget to meet me at the gates when He calls me home- and don't forget to bring extra underwear. We have a lot to talk about!


Unknown said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Beth, but I'm glad that you not only experienced forgiveness, but were able to move beyond that and show the love of Jesus and care for her in her last days. No matter what our relationship is with our parents, they gave us life, and if that is the only thing we can find to be grateful for, we ought to at least have that. You had so much more. I'm so glad that you are able to recognize the gifts that your mother gave you. I'm sure you will go through the cycle of grief, as everyone does. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Anonymous said...

A moment of love and appreciation is a true gift from someone so inwards focused. Your family might enjoy Grief Share. I can fill you in later. Loretta

Unknown said...

I know how are it is to say goodbye to a mom as I said goodbye to mine 30 years ago in 1986. In many ways I lost my mother years before I actually lost her physical body but I am thankful that like you she gave me Jesus. She also chose her friends wisely and those friends were there for her and have been there for me and my family. My only regrets are the years I didn't get to share with her since. Someday I know we will meet in heaven. I hope there is a kitchen there and we get to make a feast together. My prayers are with you and your family at this time. I am glad that you got to fellowship with your family while in Indiana I am sure many forever memories were made there.

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