Wednesday, September 28, 2011

What Memory?

I have a mind like a sieve- with a big hole punched through it. Especially this morning.

As we awoke the the annoying beep of our alarm clock, my husband and I discussed that since today was Wednesday, I was to take the car to the mechanic to be fixed. I had it written down, so I actually remembered- at least until I got downstairs. Apparently there is a space/time continuum on the stairway, so it was Wednesday before I made it downstairs, yet by the time I got to the bottom of the step, it became Thursday.

It was Thursday, even though I knew the car had to go in for repair.
It was Thursday even though my kids have off Thursday and Friday, yet I was taking my daughter to school, and my son already left on his bus.
It was Thursday, and I had to check our account to see just how much food money we had, even though I had no way of getting to the store because I had no car, once I took the thing to the mechanic. Space/time continuum's can mess with your head. A lot.

I went into the account and noticed there was no deposit. He was not paid for the week. I panicked, because I had no money to go food shopping in a car I wouldn't have. I called my husband to see if they gave him a check instead.

I should have never called my husband.

With a concerned tone I told my story, only to hear silence on the other end. Then he told me in the most understanding, slightly amused voice that it was indeed Wednesday, not Thursday. I could hear him shaking his head and grinning. Then he told me I was losing it- and I had absolutely no way to argue the point. Dagnabbit.

So the time vortex disappeared, and it's now Wednesday again. Surprisingly I still have the car, my daughter is waiting patiently for me to finish this post so I can take her to school, and I have vowed to only do physical labor today, as my brain has temporarily turned to tapioca.

Mmmm...tapioca. Now I'm hungry. Maybe I'll have breakfast- oh wait, I already did.

I take solace in the fact that if I'm in fact losing my memory, I won't remember today by tomorrow- or maybe even an hour from now. But I'm sure my husband, ol' what-his-name will remind me.

Now where did I put those car keys?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Do What You're Good At

Being a mom isn't the easiest job in the world, but it can be one of the best.

One thing I learned was not to compare myself to other moms, because we all 'mom' differently. Not better, but differently. There are some moms out there that can home-school, run a business, do church ministries, keep their house immaculate, all while raising their child(ren), whether they be their only child or a gaggle of twelve. Not all at the same time, mind you, but at least a few of these activities all while staying sane. But you have to pick what you're good at, and work around the rest.

As you know, I hate cleaning. I'm not great at it like my husband is- he can do in an hour what take me at least three, because he likes doing it (and yes, I am comparing, but just as an example!) I, on the other hand am much better at sewing and decorating (and writing), so any of those tasks that require crafting and dexterity usually fall to me. Both of us cook, so when he's home, we usually share that duty.

And I could never, ever homeschool. I simply cannot teach academics to my kids. They would never graduate, because I have the focus of Dory, the forgetful blue fish in Finding Nemo. Besides, my son would argue his way out of doing anything constructive, and would wear me down like an elephant's posterior on a termite mound. We both know I'd give in before the first hour, simply because my voice would give out. So to school they both must go.

Now if I was the Home Ec teacher, I would totally rock. Skills are something I can teach! Cooking, sewing, and yes, even cleaning I teach my kids, (though they take after me concerning attitudes on chores), and I do well- but the yard stuff I leave to my husband to bestow upon them his knowledge. I still can't tell a weed from an herb and have promised not to pull anything up since the 'Cilantro Incident'. I only re-pot plants, and that's about all I'm allowed to do.

I'm good at scheduling things, and am the Head Scheduler of the house- as long as I write it down. Remember I'm a lot like Dory, so if I don't write it down it gets lost in the gigabytes of my mind, and I won't find it again until I'm eighty. I also have many to do lists, and when I remember where I put them, I'll follow them.

Find out what you're good at, and work around the rest. The kids and my husband help me clean when they can, and I'm getting better and better at taking care of the house. I keep them all well fed, healthy and strong, and I teach the kids life skills they need when they're older and I kick them out. On occasion I save up enough money to pay someone to clean (which is totally worth it right before going away for a weekend camping trip), so everything works out for the best.

You might do it just like me. Or completely different. It doesn't matter, as long as it gets done and you're not in a strait-jacket by the end of the day. Staying sane and content is all that matters!

Do what you're good at. Work around the rest. And be happy knowing that God loves you no matter what you do!

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Whodunit Family

We have gremlins. Not just any gremlins, but messy, maniacal house gremlins. Family Circus has named a couple of them- you know them as Ida Know and Not Me, but there are others, and I think they're using our house for a family reunion. I made raspberry punch for the occasion.

Let's go down the list, shall we?

There was Not Me and Ida Know's brother, Wasn't Me.
Daddy and Mommy Mighta Dunnit.
The twins, He and She Diddit.
Their pet rabbit, Sumbunny Else Diddit. (who was not house-trained, by the way- he blamed the mess on my cats)
The cousins, She Coulda Dunnit and He Probably Dunnit.
And their pointer named I Didn't Dewit, who keeps barking up the wrong tree.

They seemed to like our place and decided to stay a while. They must like to hide behind me- only my kids can see them because that's where they always point when declaring just which one of these gremlins did the deed in question. If I can't catch them, I can't evict them- and they don't pay rent, either.

So when my husband gets home and asks me where's dinner, I'll just tell him Ida Know and She Coulda Dunnit was supposed to, but I Didn't Dewit must have eaten it- then make reservations!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Schedule? What Schedule?!?

I am an organized person- at least in my own mind.

You need a certain book? It's under this pile over need that paper you printed out last week? Don't look in the file cabinet- it's in this pile, over here in the kitchen. I even made myself a schedule, so I'd know what I was doing this week. It's that paper I left somewhere under the table with all the scribbles across it.

Most times a schedule does work for me (provided it's not a minute-by-minute list), but this week was like being hit by a ram on a rollercoaster- the moment I finished one task, another popped up!

Why is it when I'm at my busiest, people want to call me and ask for favors? Why do people whom I haven't seen since before birth decide to call me right before I'm walking out of the door? Why is it, when I make a perfectly sane schedule, everyone but the cats decide they need something? Oh, eventually the cats do come to me too, but only when I'm using the computer mouse- then they want to sit on my clicking hand, rub their tails over my nose and get all growly-purrin' and friendly.

And why is it that when next week comes around and I have nothing scheduled, I won't get a single phone call- at least until I'm in the bathroom! Even the cats will ignore me, unless I bribe them with treats.

It's a lot like the 'job' thing- you get a better job if you already have a job. but try and get one after you quit, and it's like you have employment leprosy- no one will hire you. Scheduling is like that. When it's full, it's really full. When it's not, you can decipher the outside temperature by all the cricket chirps.

So here's today advice- if you want to stay busy, only fill your schedule half full to allow room for chaos. If you want a nap, don't schedule anything that day.

And lastly, the disclaimer- if you happen to tell anyone your schedule is empty, the universal vibes will resound with a need to fill that void with callers, emails, and doorbell-ringers, so if you want some time to yourself, keep your yap shut.

I am not responsible for relatives coming to move in with you because you told a cousin you were going away that week, or for the baby rewiring the vacuum so all it does is spew dust everywhere when you wanted to take a nap, and I am certainly not taking any responsibility for all the food in your house getting eaten and your couch slept on because you told me you were gone for the weekend, and I needed a break! Nope, not one iota of responsibility, because you just had to tell someone. Shame on you.

In the meantime I have a lot of emails to answer, then make dinner, wash the house, paint the know, the usual stuff.

So...what's on your schedule?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!

One of my favorite commercials is when the dad is riding the cart filled with school supplies like a little kid, and his kids look completely miserable, all to the tune of 'It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year". And I know exactly how that guy feels!

I love my kids more than chocolate, but they can work a nerve like nobodies business! If it isn't my son arguing with me about everything from dinner to dust specks, it's my daughter coming in-and-out of the house every 3.2 seconds asking if she can take the contents of her room outside to play.

The downside is I lost my workforce concerning chores, and no water-fetchers when I'm thirsty. I have to get my own water now, but the price for this extra cardio workout is worth the price- the freedom to raid the fridge without sharing! I swear those kids could be dead asleep in bed on the second floor, and I'd be under a bathtub in the basement with sound-proof padding all around me, open a candy bar, and they'd be there before the second crinkle of candy wrap, asking for some.

Call me a bad role model, but sometimes I just don't want to share my stuff with the kids! Especially if it's related to chocolate. And forget about opening a new bag of chocolate chips because you had a PMS moment- it could be hidden in the pantry for five years, but the second you open it, get a handful and tuck it back in it's hiding place and leave the area, they descend upon it like rabid weasels, eating the entire thing when you're not looking. A little later you go back for another handful, only to find they left the shredded remnants of the bag behind.

When the kids are at school, the moms will play!

Yesterday I ate lunch all by myself while reading a magazine. I nearly fainted from bliss! And I get to do it again today!

Not to mention I also get to do what I want, watch what I want, and play all the music I want! If this isn't heaven, it's pretty darn close. Right now, I'm a happy camper!

Until the shiny wears off and I truly start to miss my kids (okay, I miss them a little but I'm enjoying myself too much right now), I am going to turn up my music, sew in my sewing room, write on my laptop, and eat lunch while watching my programs with no interruptions. It's almost like a vacation!

Let the adventure begin!