Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Closed Doors, Opened Windows!

Life is full of quirks.

Change is inevitable, and the irony of it all is that the only thing that doesn't change is change! And this time I don't mean menopause.

God closed a door when I received a rejection notice from the syndicate. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I just need to find a new window! And since last week, I have found many.

Let's just call these ideas 'Windows of Opportunity', or 'Whoa' for short- like 'Whoa, Dude! That's totally awesome!' For the record, any window of opportunity should be considered awesome. Totally.

Window Number One- Books. I could focus entirely on books. Women's Lit, fantasy, children's stories, cookbooks, How-to's and craft books. I have enough notes to write several of each at the moment!

Window Number Two- Self Syndication. Since the syndicate didn't work out, I can do it myself with a lot of elbow grease. I can also sell articles to magazines. Family humor isn't a high commodity (oddly enough) but information is. I'm full of a lot of things, and information is one of them!

Window Number Three- Blogging Website. Using my blog as a springboard, I can sell products and services. Not too sure about this one, but I have no problem endorsing things I use myself- that's one thing i won't compromise! For instance, You'll never see me endorsing diet pills or spray for jock itch. But I would definitely have ads for M&M's! Just a few ads that are self-picked, mind you. I hate going to a family site and seeing ads flash from something family friendly to a half-naked woman selling lingerie!
As for the services, I'm working on something that I used to do for friends and family that was really fun- but I won't tell you what it is just yet! Let's just say I used to have the online title of SillyPoet!

Lots to think and pray about, and new skills to learn. Who said life slows down after forty? It's more like a downhill run!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


I'm feeling hostile. Why am I feeling hostile? I'll tell you why-

I have no idea!

It started out as any other day a few days ago, and something set me off- someone blinked too loud, somebody else yawned, and the cats were giving me the stink-eye because I didn't cater to their petting whims-especially when Scootch decided to sit on my mouse as I was using it.

This Momma Bear hostility has been building and building ever since. Then I realized I'm probably on the edge of menopause. If this is just the edge of it, I'm in big trouble!

I remember when my mother went through it- she would have given a charging dragon pause. But since there aren't any dragons to wrestle, she took her hormones out on the family instead, yelling at me for folding the socks wrong or dad for being male. We gave her a wide berth for the next five years.

I consider myself lucky- I have more people to vent my spleen on (including the cats), so if I spread it around enough, the family won't lock me in the basement. My husband is a lucky man- he's doing overtime for the next three weeks and I'll hardly see him. In the meantime I have to find other ways of getting rid of this aggressive mind-set other than Velcroing the kids to the wall and shaving the cats.

Then I came to an awesome conclusion.

Women going through the Big Pause should have chew toys. They should make them look like chocolate cake, ribs, or a certain male body part. But they don't make those kind as chew toys. But pet stores are a different story. Right now I'd favor the rubber chicken leg or the steak, minus the squeaker- The noise would just annoy me further.

And why do they call it menopause anyway? It's not a pause, it's a stop. A slowing-to-a-stop kind of stop. An annoying kind of stop. Well, it's annoying to me at the moment- but people breathing near me is annoying, so maybe I'm just biased.

But I don't think I'll last five years. That's a lot of chew toys.

I wonder just how comfortable I'll be in the basement. I think if I had my laptop and some sewing projects, my chew toys and a couch, I'd be fine. At least people wouldn't be blinking and breathing around me all the time.

Maybe I'll take a walk to the local pet store and see what they have. I wonder if they'll sell me a chew toy if it's for my use. If the cashier is a woman, I bet she'll sell me two, because she understands!

If you need me, I'll probably be locked in the basement, chewing on my brand-new chicken leg and possibly a box of chocolate.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

To Each Her Own Diet...Sort Of...

I was encouraged to go to a weight loss support group and finally decided to go. It was an informative meeting in many ways- but when it came down to everyone talking about their particular menu choices, things got hotter than a butter-greased griddle- Especially when I told them what I normally ate!

"What did you have for breakfast?" I was asked. "Three eggs with ham or bacon, depending on what's in the fridge." was my reply. I was going to tell them that sometimes I have a wedge of cheddar cheese too (a thin one, but still) when one buddy of mine made a face.

'Three eggs?' she replied with a grimace worthy of the Grinch. 'You know that many eggs every day will kill you...right?' This from a woman who eats bacteria (aka yogurt) for breakfast and soybeans (probably genetically modified) as a main part of her diet. But she's losing weight eating it, so I said nothing.

The leader was a nurse, and said she was going to start me off by cutting out at least one egg yolk from my plate. What the heck can I do with a leftover egg yolk? I looked it up- you can make some really awesome pudding with egg yolks! But I got some dirty looks when I mentioned it. 'You need to stop eating sugar too,' one lady replied. I told them I'm keeping my yolk in my scrambled eggs then, thank you very much!

One lady said she stopped eating meat. another said she ate more veggies than anything else. All of these things were addressed with smiles and nods of approval. I however, despite the fact that I've lost twenty-one pounds by eating a protein-rich diet with veggies and yes, fats like butter, got looks from some of the other ladies as if I asked them to eat a live roach.

I told them that not all 'diets' work for everyone. Some people do better on vegetables, some on protein, some do great on grains; but you can't bust on people if it's working for them. Now if I was gaining weight, it would be a different story! I would defer to the people of greater knowledge and take that yolk out. But my blood work is good, and I'm healthy on the inside- I'm just not 'fit'.

I promised I would do more cadio- I go to a gym three times a week and do light weight training, but I really need to get the ticker pumping for more than five minutes. The response was nods around the table, some bearing the expression 'You better' on their faces. I'll probably walk to the next meeting, as well as everywhere else I can think of. And next time, I'm coming armed with information to the naysayers about processed foods and their genetically modified counterparts.

Don't play with the cow, ladies...you'll get the udders.

And it won't be skim milk, either!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

When You Look Into the Mirror

Sometimes I wish we had a mirror that would not only show us what we look like, but who we actually are. But only sometimes.

When things are going well, I'd like to see my reflection echoing back confidence, self-assurance, and yes, someone who is much, much thinner than me. I want to see my inner beauty.

But the down side is that these mirrors would also show us the uglier sides of ourselves as well. It's not all bling and glitter. In fact, I'm sure many of us would see something similar to Jabba the Hutt when we look at our true selves. I know I would!

Frankly, seeing my true self in the mirror would give me a serious case of the heebie-geebies. Why? Because I know I'm a mess. I just don't want others to know how messed up. And I'm not telling you neither- So there. Nyah, nyah!

But what would we do if we did see the monsters within ourselves? Would we make any changes? I'm betting we would- at least for the most part. Say someone looked into the mirror and saw a gnarled, ugly old Scrooge? After seeing that self-revelation, it would be hard to ignore the image when you found yourself being selfish or greedy. It would be a neat way of doing a reality check, if they truly did exist.

Imagine having mirrors like that. The world might be better if we did.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The National Debt- An Old School Solution

Every other day I hear on the radio, or on the TV - "Four Days Until the Nation Defaults"..."Three More..."..."Two More"..."We Have a Solution! Extend The Debt And Save Trillions!"

Excuse me, but HUH?!? How do you pay the debt by allowing more of it? It sounds a lot like a shopoholic- you have no money in the bank, but you're ahead thousands....or in this case, trillions.


What we need is an old -school solution to this problem. But it requires both the government and our own elbow grease to do it!

First, to the government- stop giving money to other countries! How can we possibly get out of debt if we're giving it all away to countries that don't know how to handle money in the first place? Would you hand an infant twenty bucks and send them to the store? You're better off funding missionaries from this country and send them in- at least they know what they're doing!

Second, pull back our troops. They don't want to be there, the foreign countries don't want them there, and we don't want them there. Stop wasting lives and bring our guys back to the US for terrorist lookout duty.

Third, cut funding to stupid research. No one needs to know the life cycle of dirt, or that naked mole rats are truly naked. Leave that to the people at Nova.

Fourth, Cut all politicians salaries down to those of the lower-middle class or lesser. This country's original leaders weren't paid a lot because they were given power instead- it kept them humble. We could use some humility in the government right now. This one alone could pay down a lot of the debt after the first five years!

Fifth, Take care of our own. No freebies for illegal aliens. No papers, we show you the door until you have the proper documents. Limited help for legal aliens until they become a citizen. And once they become a citizen, they get treated the same as we do.

Sixth, fix the health care system. Get everything done the same day, with the same doctor. Not only will you save time, but the gasoline saved from the millions of trips back and forth alone would not only save us money as consumers, but make the environment healthier!

Seventh, get someone who actually knows how to budget in the White House- Several someones. Either that or find a way to teach these people that raising the credit limit of a debt doesn't mean you're paying it off- especially when nothing was done to stop the debt from growing! It's like trying to stop a broken water pipe with band-aids- it just ain't gonna work!

And last, but not least, bringing back the family structure. Moms and Dads staying together in one house. One goes to work, one stays home. I know it sounds simple, but look at it this way- if 50,000 people (that's 25,000 couples) did this instead of having both parents working (and let's say many of these families were just using the second job to buy a lot of luxuries), that's a whopping 25,000 more jobs that would help others who have no job. The unemployment rate is close to ten percent at the moment!

That's a lot of people out of work. And that would be a lot of jobs available that would allow people to get off of welfare.

If we just sacrificed a little of the extras with one parent staying home, you'd save money on day care and sitters, and your kids will be brought up by you, not some stranger, so they'll be taught your values. They in turn become better citizens, and stay out of trouble a lot more often than if you weren't there at all. I'm not saying Junior won't ever get into trouble (not telling you how I know that!), but it should be to a much lesser degree if we pay attention to them. And it's good for kids not to get everything they ask for either; sacrifices are often character builders!

I think too many of these politicians needed a good swat up-side the head when they were kids. Some need a good swat now.

It's too bad I'm on the other side of the country- it's a far walk to the White House!