Mess Monsters

My house is a wreck.

The housework has waned since I started working odd jobs last year, and was nearly non-existent when my mom started getting worse. Two out of three funerals are done (my husband's cousin also passed away two days after his mom, so that's three in less than three weeks), and after coming home from the second funeral yesterday, I realized something.

I have mess monsters.

I'm not talking about my teenagers- though they've had a hand in it. I'm not talking about the cats either. I have little monsters in my house making messes when I sleep- it's the only explanation for the condition of my home.

Dust Monsters collect all the cat hair and scatter it about, making 'tumblefur' balls that roll about the room like a bad western. Then they coat everything in dust, just like in The Munsters. I checked the vacuum- it's not on reverse, but there's not much in it either. I think this is where they get their dust stash.

The Paper Breeders come next to clutter up any flat surface with printouts, old mail, and candy wrappers. I could leave two sheets of paper on the table before bed, and when I come down the next morning, those suckers bred like crazy and now look like giant confetti all over my entire living room- including the couch.

The Crumb Monsters stuff my cushions with everything imaginable. I don't even want to know what that stuff is, but when I vacuum it out, it sounds like fish tank gravel. On occasion I'll find odd things like the TV remote, small children and the neighbors lost pets. I guess the monsters ran out of gravel on those days.

The Clutterbug digs into everything I have neatly stored and drags things out I haven't seen in years. It must have squealed in delight when I brought home mementos from my mom's apartment. I think it conspired with the Paper Breeder, because I don't remember bringing this much stuff home.
Sigh.

Let's not even mention the Laundry Monster. I swear that one switches my socks with several neighbors' just to mess all of us up. Only after I toss the orphaned footwear in the trash a year later do the prodigal socks show up- then I have to toss them too. Ugh.

I wonder if the home improvement stores have monster repellent....I could use a gallon or two...

Or maybe some elbow grease?