Tuesday, November 1, 2016

The Living Paradox

Round is a perfect shape.
You use something regularly and care for it, it will never wear out.
An object in motion, stays in motion.

Yeah, right. Not in my world. I'm a living paradox.

Scientists claim a sphere is a perfect shape, yet when I go to the doctor and show off my 'scientifically perfect' physique, he always recommends gastric bypass surgery. Same thing goes for the modeling agencies. 

Maybe they're just jealous of perfection.

I use my body regularly. In fact, I use it every minute of every day! I feed it, care for it, buy it chocolate, and I regularly take it to the doctor, chiropractor, and optometrist. But try telling that to my knees, back, and eyes. My knees refuse to work smoothly anymore, my back aches when I stand too long, and I have to squint to see anything anymore!

Are joints supposed to sound like bubble wrap?

An object in motion, especially one that has a strained knee, aching back, and astigmatism, tends to stop every few minutes to give her so-called perfect shape a break before she cries out like bellowing buffalo with a lion biting its butt. This object prefers to have her appendages cushioned by a couch, thank you very much. I think objects in motion tend to live a lot less longer, mostly because those objects get run over in traffic.

Kinda hard to shuffle one's perfect self across a busy street when she can barely see or walk...right? Especially in a city where red lights are just a suggestion to stop- If you feel like it.

I'm a living paradox. I've stopped believing the hype of scientific 'facts' that my body clearly doesn't follow. Just call me a rebel- but if you call me old, you'd better run- I may not be able to chase you on foot, but the knee I use to drive with is just fine- and remember, red lights are optional.


Unknown said...

This was absolutely hysterical. As always thanks for making me laugh.

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