The Tooth, and Everything Else With It!

I still say that I'm healthy. However, my teeth are not. Why? Because I have avoided going to the dentist. And I have two sort-of-good reasons why I haven't. One, because I couldn't afford it, and two, so the dentist wouldn't yell at me whenever I did decide to show up.

I checked my calendar and it appears as if I didn't go for the past decade. So shoot me. With a lot of Novocaine, please.

I won't get into why I stopped going- it's a long story. But now I'm going to a different dentist, and that's all that matters. The problem is, because I waited so long, I have severe periodontal disease. Yay.

I should've known better than to skip the dentist in the first place, because gum disease runs rampant in my family. And now I have loose teeth to go along with the bad gums, much like Bonnie and Clyde. The plaque built up so badly I'd started losing bone. In fact, I'd lost enough bone that I could never get crowns- there just isn't enough bone there to attach them to. I knew I had lost some bone, but i didn't think it was that bad.

To be honest, I was about to give up hope of ever finding a dentist that would work with what I could afford, then God sent me a really good one. And yes, she did reprimand me, but she didn't yell. People with sharp tools don't really need to yell.

After some x-rays and a bit of my history, I found that there are some things that simply must be done if I want to keep most of my teeth. I need at least three teeth extracted, some major scaling, and a set of upper and lower partial dentures.

Yes, dentures. At the young age of forty-three. Either that, or I dedicate my life to eating pudding and soup. Actually, that sounds like a really cool recipe book- The Pudding and Soup Cookbook. But no, I'd really rather have some teeth to chew with, thank you very much. And not sounding like Sylvester the Cat would be nice too. (or is that nyth? Thorry for thpittin'.)

Stage One is complete as of Tuesday. They scaled the left side of my mouth, and removed one molar. She did a fantastic job too- I didn't feel a thing! She was even gentle with the needle, much to my surprise. Needles scare me to death. Seriously- I'd make a really lousy drug addict if I had to use needles. She must have poked me in ten different places just to make sure I was totally numb- and all I felt was a slight pinch each time. In fact, I'm actually looking forward to going back! She really helped me with my Needlephobia. I still think I'd make a lousy drug addict though, because I still had to close my eyes when she did it. I'm such a weenieburger.

Stage Two is the same thing on the right side- scaling, and this time two teeth need to come out. By the time I'm done with this procedure, I'll look like a jack o'lantern carved by candy-hyper kids during an earthquake. Wait until you see my head shot then. Well, maybe not. I don't want to scare you off.

That will happen in six weeks, because I want to get it all done at the same time. At least I did one thing smart this time around. Sheesh.

After all that heals, then I get fitted for new choppers. Partial ones, so they'll probably look like those fake teeth they sell at the costume shop, only straighter and a lot more expensive. I might just get a pair of those cheap fake teeth and stroll into her office one day announcing "I been a'comin' to her for years!" then sit down all sprawled out and comfy-like, just to see how people react.

But then I remember the dentist has sharp tools and a drill, so maybe I'll hold off until I get my new teeth first. Maybe. Heh.

All in all, it was a lot better experience than I expected. And even though I have to go back every three months for a cleaning after all this is over (which is common with gum-diseased people like myself), I won't mind a bit. At least I'll be able to eat crunchy apples and raw carrots again- That alone is worth it!

The one thing I regret is that they wouldn't let me keep the tooth they pulled- it would have been a great prop for one of my 'Mommy Lessons on Dental Care' lectures when I want to scare the kids into brushing properly. But apparently they no longer allow that. Probably for the prevention of child torture, or germ warfare....we'll never know. They had taken the tooth to this 'clean room' when there was someone dressed like a surgeon picking up my tooth as if it was radioactive waste. Maybe it was, and I was just unaware of the effect while it resided in my head. Remember that, folks. Dentistry is dangerous!

So here I am with my partially toothless self, avoiding all those yummy crunchy foods until the hole in my mouth heals a bit more. And of course now is when I want all that crunchy stuff- and I don't just mean apples either. Chips are my downfall, and I want them really bad! Just to feel and hear that crunch when I bite down...ahh, that's the stuff. But I have to wait a few more days, just to make sure I don't wound myself. Doritos can pack a mean punch if you crunch 'em wrong!

I'll keep you posted on my progress. God bless you and yours, and may your teeth and gums stay healthy!