Saturday, June 4, 2011

Why People Don't Lose Weight

At times it happens- we diet and exercise, and the weight just doesn't seem to want to leave! So I thought I'd give you a few funnier reasons (that I've used myself) for not losing weight:

I didn't 'go' before weighing in. Even if you just went ten minutes ago, you could actually be carrying a gallon or more of water weight in your bladder by the time you get to the scale! A gallon weighs eight pounds, so that could be a major factor in the scale numbers.

PMS. This could be Pre, Present, or Post- it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you're bloated, and the water is not in your bladder this time- it's all over. And you have no control in getting rid of it. Not your fault. This is responsible for anywhere from five to eighty-seven pounds.

Clothes weigh a lot. Did you know that a sweatsuit can weigh about twenty pounds? If you round it up, that is. Even a summer shorts and shirt set can weigh over eight pounds, and underwear... well, under-wires can add a lot with all that metal, and even if you don't have that type, there's something supporting you- we'll just call that stuff 'mystery material'. That adds another two pounds onto the scale.

Other gear you forgot about. Glasses and contact lenses are made of special plastics. Wire rims can add at least a pound and a half, and contact lenses are a half-pound...each. And don't forget your watch and jewelry! Even if you don't wear a watch anymore, put one on, so you have something to blame if the scale tips out of your favor. They could weigh anywhere from three to five pounds, depending on the style.

Breathing. Taking in a breath right before you weigh in makes your lungs bigger, therefore heavier. Try not to breathe before you get on. Of course if you stop breathing, blood will rush to your head due to lack of oxygen, making you more top-heavy. Gravity will pull harder to keep you on the planet, so you'll weigh more anyway. This might add another two or three pounds.

So now you know why some people just can't lose those pesky pounds- And why I'm usually hyperventilating after I get off the scale. All this stuff is totally true (at least in my mind), and I'm sticking to it- right after I have some breakfast. Doughnuts, anyone?


Donna Donat said...

Loved it! Thanks for the laugh.

Jackie said...

Wonderful post and so cute!!! Oh so true too. lol. Love your blog, Beth, always put a :) on me ole mug!

Connie Arnold said...

Great post! I love your reasoning!

Cecilia Marie Pulliam said...

I'll go with your explanations. Sounds reasonable to me. Great post!

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