Monday, March 4, 2013

I Am a House Ninja

My kids and husband rarely see me clean the house. Most times they see me on the computer, reading, or making meals. They have no clue as to my true identity.

I am a House Ninja.

The second that everyone is out of the house, I check my list of ninja chores, put on my ninja gear (when it fits) and off I go, armed with my steamer, vacuum and cleaning supplies.

It's not easy being a ninja. You have to look just lazy enough so no one will know it's you doing everything, but not so lazy that your husband tries to rent you out as a speed bump.

My kids trounce down the stairs in the morning, wondering what they'll have for breakfast. Most times they make it themselves (all a part of teaching them independence), but sometimes it just appears on the table. I tell them it wasn't me- I was busy on the computer- it must have been their father (And yes, sometimes it really is him! But he's just a part-time ninja- I don't think they believe me all the time.

Little do they remember that the steps they just trod down were cluttered the night before with stuff that would trip an elephant, dumped by the same people that disregarded said cleaned-up mess as they made a beeline for breakfast. They also never saw their clean clothes folded and put in baskets that now lay in front of their rooms, their socks matched and cuffed, nor their scattered trinkets gathered and magically placed with their clean clothes.

They leave for school and the house is messy. They come home and the house is clean. Yet mom never left the computer. Amazing.

Snacks and desserts were apparently conjured right before they got home. That item they've been looking for for months now lies on their bed. Floors that don't crunch underfoot- even though they had a popcorn fight the night before and know they didn't pick up all of the little bits.

Sometimes they notice, sometimes they don't- but that is the life of a House Ninja.

Oh, they'll deal with it all eventually, only because the House Ninja can't fit into her tights anymore and is planning to retire from duty before she dies. Maybe even next week.

In the meantime, I'm working on becoming a Ninja Writer. Hi-ya!


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