Monday, March 25, 2013

Home Invaders


Insects are cool when we watch them on TV, and sometimes when we see them in nature- but when it comes to them invading the house, well, that's a whole different ball of wax. Though I have to admit, sometimes I do admire them before I do anything about them.

The house rules are if I see it, I try to save it, but if it comes near me or is on me? I turn from caring to killer in 3.2 seconds.

As much as I hate house bugs, I get really gaggy if I try to kill one. I don't like the noises they make when I do manage to trod on a bug (usually by accident), so I try to go the holistic route and save them, but it doesn't always work. Let me give a perfect example:

Stink bugs: Up close and in a jar they are really neat to look at- the shield shape of the back, the cool patterns of the wing casing- just the intricacy of what God created is breathtaking sometimes. Until that sucker crawls on me- then I run screaming for the back door and flick it into oblivion. I know better than to step on a stinkbug!

Beetles: Those little red and black dudes that look like lightning bugs (without the glowing hineys) are kind of cute, and tickle when they walk on you- but not in my kitchen in hoards. Now they must die via bug spray, then I have to wash down the entire kitchen and find that stupid little hidey-hole they came from and caulk it up.

Ants: So fun to look at when you have them enclosed in a little glass farm, but not so cute on the counters, floors and any other place you might want to put food. Honey and boric acid works well to contain these little critters, but it's really annoying when you think they're gone and you see one Right. On. Your. Shirt. Lucky for me I don't mind squashing these because they don't make any noise, but it's still icky.

Flies: I don't like them and I can't catch them. When they hoard near a screen door I'll try to allow them one chance of escape, but if they refuse (or decide to multiply) out comes the flying insect spray and the window cleaner. And the laundry detergent for the curtains. Sigh. The only good use for these things is that they keep the cats entertained for hours.

Praying mantises: Really cool insects that are even cooler to look at up close- but I forget those suckers can fly and I turn into Rambo, destroying the entire kitchen when it decides to take a flight around the room. These I really do try to save when my heart rate slows down from 200 bpm.

Spiders: neat looking and welcome in spaces not frequented if they are hunters and not spinners. God's little exterminators. Unless you bite me or my kids, then you get a free ride out the nearest window. I try not to kill them only because they get rid of the bugs that make me scream and run from the house in a panic, like:

Roaches, waterbugs, or anything that looks like a roach: They are never cute, never fun to look at, and always scare the bejeebers out of me. After the entire house is sprayed heavily whilst gagging to death on the fumes (and the idea I might step on one), I have to go pick up all those bejeebers, and deep clean the entire house so it doesn't become a HAZMAT situation from the spray.

Since the move I've not had any of these creatures visit (except for the spiders which disappeared on their own), and I thank God every day for the reprieve. While I never had more then two of these pests at a time, I have had them all, and that made the life of this housewife all the more scary hazardous
richer for the experience. 

Please God, don't let it ever, ever happen again!


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