Summer?!?

It is so not summer.
No stinking way!
Yet the kids are home, no buses have come for them, and the school isn't answering my calls.

It's can't be summer! Not yet! I'm not ready!

If someone were to ask me what state I lived in, I would definitely tell them...Denial.

But summer is here (I can tell by the cries of hunger and boredom from my offspring), and I feel like I was just season-jacked. Someone took the rest of spring and left me in the heat!

So many things were supposed to be done before summer:

Unpacking my sewing room. Nope. Okay, some of it was done, but not all of it...yet.
Schedules for the kids. What schedule? There was a schedule?!?
Family vacations. I laugh as I type this. We haven't had a real vacation since the honeymoon.
Day trips. Not even remotely thought of yet, but lucky for me these can be last minute.
Lunch ideas. No more grabbing whatever is in the fridge and eating it. Why? Because it was pretty much eaten as a snack by the kids before breakfast. So I either make something for all of us or I starve.
Get-togethers for the kids. I just found out they had five thousand numbers from school friends whom I have never met. And of course most of them will want to come here instead of the other way around. Because at-home moms don't do anything during the day. Phht.

The only things I can say have been (or are listed to be done) are picnics and birthdays. Two of them, maybe three. I think. I have to find my list first.

I'm not ready for summer. But God gave me a quick mind (when it works) and I will make sure that the kids are tossed outside on a regular basis, fed well on good food, and have enough friends visiting so they won't need therapy when they're older.

Of course that doesn't mean I won't need it when September rolls around!

Weeds vs. Garden

Recently I joined the board of a community garden. We made plots, laid down paper, ripped up cotton T-shirts to kill the weeds, and loaded each flat with gardening soil. I dug. I planted. I watered. I waited.

I didn't have to wait long though- at least for some plants.

I planted one zucchini. One. The reason I only planted one is because my mother-in-law is an experienced gardener, and if I didn't want to be eating zucchini for the next century, I would only plant one at a time. I also planted three types of tomatoes, two types of cucumber (one type is called a 'pickle' plant!) some celery and romaine lettuce; both cut down with the roots buried in hopes they would regrow.

I had planted most of it within the same week. If this was a race, I think the zucchini would have not only blew the doors off the competition, it would have popped all the tires too. That sucker is huge.

In fact, it's even got tiny 'zukes' (like 'cukes' are short for cucumbers) on it already. The things are growing like weeds!

That got me to thinking (can you smell the smoke?)- what is the difference between weeds and garden plants anyway? Is it because the plants provide us with something? 

Some weeds are actually pretty- Star of David, crocuses, even dandelions are pretty and fun to play with when they poof out- but because they don't really do anything, they are called weeds and destroyed on sight. Or at least mowed down until they show up again the next day.

I wonder if that's really the only difference! 

Was the zucchini a weed until someone realized they could make some awesome bread or ratatouille out of it? And who was the first guy to figure out that this stuff was edible? The same guy going around licking frogs to see which ones would make him high?

We might never know.

Perhaps a weed is a weed only because of the worth we put onto it. I would never have to mow again if I had my yard filled with Star of David and crocuses- and it would be a lot prettier in the spring too! 
Maybe that zucchini would be still be a weed in the forest for the deer to eat had we not be so darn curious. Of course tomatoes were considered poisonous at one point in history, until someone put it in a salad. Now we have them in our gardens trying to keep them alive. I wonder what we'll be planting in our gardens fifty years from now? 

And just how many of them would be the 'weeds' of today?

But You Said!

I hate having a bad memory.

It's not because I can't remember anything- it's nice to think I have a free day even when I don't- It's the fact that my kids keep telling me that I gave them permission to do things I don't remember saying they could do!

Then I hear those ill-fated words...'But you said, Mom! You said I could!'

I'm sorry, but I don't remember saying you could have ice cream for breakfast.
I don't remember saying that you could watch Netflix for four hours straight.
And I certainly don't remember giving permission for you to ignore all your chores and homework in favor of playing computer games until your eyeballs seize!

The problem is I have vague recollections of them asking me something when they came in from school, but I was too distracted and don't remember the topic, or if I actually did say yes or not.

So here's the new rule- You ask when my brain is not fully functional, the answer given can become null and void at anytime consciousness is regained. In other words, permission is a limited time offer. Take it while you can and accept that the verbal contract can be terminated the moment I see you doing something you shouldn't. Or not doing something you should.

And if you don't like it, go ask your dad. But he's biased and will side with me. So there.

Of course this backfires big time when I tell my husband something, and I forget. Like what I was going to make for dinner. Or that I was going to take care of something for him and didn't. A word to the wise, ladies- don't ever promise snuggle time, forget, and make other plans because you thought you had the night free. Egad, that one will get him to side with the kids sometimes!

Of course I can't really write that last one on my calendar, now can I? 'But honey, you said!'

One of these days I'll figure out how to remember everything. One day. Maybe. 

Um...what was I talking about again?

Marriage Whoas

It happens even in the best of marriages.

Disagreements. 

You argue. You yell. You say nothing because the other person is being a complete pinhead. Even if you know you were a little wrong, that other person you married is wronger* than you.

Yes, it happens. Even to people who married their best friends and still hold hands after a decade and a half of marriage. 

The question is- once a problem ensues, what do you do about it?

You could tell your spouse how you feel- at the top of your lungs.
You could take your anger out on your spouse's things, 'accidentally' breaking or throwing out something he/she cherishes.
You could bottle it all up inside and show a pleasant face, never letting he/she know what the issue is- and get sick over it.
You could be snarky and grumpy until he/she figures out what's wrong.
And as a Christian, you could smack them over the head with your bible and then pray over them until they regain consciousness.

Let's face it, we have all contemplated one or more of these things- possibly even done a few- but none of these is the best answer. I don't have 'the' answer- that would be between you and your spouse- but I do have 'an' answer that might help.

Bring it out, Talk it out, Get it out.

Bring it out. The best way of dealing with an issue is to stop keeping it to yourself and tell your spouse what's on your mind. No yelling, no nagging, no pointing fingers- just let them know that something is bothering you and you need to get it out in the open. Wounds unattended tend to fester before you know it.

Talk it out. Don't say 'You', say 'This'. "This' is what's been frustrating me. "This' has been bothering me lately. I'd like to deal with 'this' in a way that we can both be happy. Pointing fingers will get you nowhere and make your spouse defensive and close-minded. 
Deal with the issue that's bothering you, not the person. Say the issue was finances. Instead of saying 'You really need to stop spending so much money' you can tell them your real concern, 'I'm worried that we won't have enough to pay off our debts. Help me figure out how to cut spending.' You're still dealing with the issue without pointing fingers- or whacking him/her over the head with a Bible. And your spouse gets the chance to be the hero/heroine and help you.

Get it out. After it's discussed, leave the situation alone. Don't bring it up anymore. If the issue still persists after a month, bring it up again and discuss it. The best situation is that the issue gets solved- the worst case scenario could mean counseling. Either way you'll have a better grip on the situation and can deal with it without getting ulcers. Taking action will help reduce the worry, and you'll have a stronger, deeper relationship because you both know you can always go to the other when you have a problem.

Marriage isn't a 50/50 deal. it's 100/100. You both need to be the best partner you can be- and that means working out the rough spots even when you're sweetheart (or you) is being a pinhead!



*I know 'wronger' isn't a word, but when you're mad at someone, you don't always use good grammar or diction. So there.