The Calm Before the Blessing....

There's an apprehension right before a thunderstorm...the sense that the world is muffled; birds streak for the trees but don't utter a sound, the wind stills, and there is an expectancy in the air of something big and powerful about to happen.

Then you start to feel it....

The wind picks up, then you begin to feel cool droplets of rain. The lower clouds scuttle underneath their bigger brothers- but then the rain stops, and the wind dies down again. You know it's not over, but you're disappointed. Where was the big show? The lightning, the thunder? It'll come, the storm promises, but not yet. Be patient.

This is where I am with God. He's making me wait again.

I love to watch thunderstorms. The excitement as a flash of lightning makes me jump, thunder booming so loud it makes the cats run for cover, tails fluffed so full they look like my static dusters. Such as it is with blessings, without the fluffy-tail part. When blessings come, it can be just as exciting (or more-so!) than any thunderstorm.

When they get here, that is!

When you get a raindrop instead of the expected downpour, it's hard to be thankful for that raindrop. It's like winning a dollar in the 'Win Millions' lottery- you won something, but (in the illustrious words of Garfield the cat) Big, Fat, Hairy Deal.

But that dollar is a dollar more than you had, and that raindrop did wet your tongue a little. You can feel God moving in the undercurrents of your life. You know something fantazmagorical is going to happen soon. That doesn't mean you don't want everything to happen now. 'You', of course, meaning me.

Dear God, You are eternal, and my lifespan is like a gnat compared to You. Please-oh-please-oh-please let something good happen soon! Either that, or make me live longer so I can wait!

Oh sure, I could ask for patience, but I'd want it right now, and I don't think He's in the mood to hear me whine.

I'll go pray some more, and find more things to write about to keep me busy. In the meantime, I'll thank Him for my droplets, but prepare my buckets for the rain!

I'm Melting!

I just turned on the radio. We're in the middle of another heat wave, the announcer says. Like I can't tell that by watching my sneakers melt.

In fact, I'm melting. Even with the air conditioning on full blast, I'm sweating like a racehorse. But all I'm losing is water, not a single ounce of it is fat. Otherwise I would be happy to turn off the AC entirely and sit in a baby pool butt naked until I was 110 pounds!

Humidity kills me. If there's an ounce of water in the air, I can feel it suppressing my breath, covering my skin in perspiration, and making me feel grungy- even if I'd just finished taking a shower! My hair falls about my face in a million little sopping wet ringlets, yet I never feel sexy like those ads they have at the gym. Melting into a little puddle of sweat isn't sexy- I feel like a wax statue under too many spotlights.

And heaven forbid I try to take in a little cold water- it either evaporates on the way down, or gives me brain freeze that lasts three hours. I feel a lot better when I dump the ice-water over my head though- now my ringlets are a bit more sexy, because I can smile without my lips melting off!

I'm looking down at my radio, which is slowly transforming into a pool of plastic and wire. The announcer begins to sound garbled, like his lips are sliding off his face. Time to go.

I'm going to climb into the freezer to cool off. Remember to keep that AC on, leave some ice in the pet's water dish, and then come join me before my lemonade freezes! There's always room for one more!

I Have to Wait?!?

What is God doing to me?

There's a lot of stuff going on here, but I have to wait for it. I want to have a yard sale NOW. No, I have to wait. I want to get a new house NOW. No, I have to wait. I want the syndicate to call me, NOW. NOW would be really good. In fact, NOW would be monumentally fantastic! But no- I have to wait.

Patience is a virtue that I simply do not posses. Not even a mustard seed's worth.

It's beginning to affect my everyday life too. I want dinner NOW. But I have to cook it first. I want to lose weight NOW. But I have to eat right and go to the gym for the next five years. I want the perfect life NOW. But I pretty much have to die first. Well, that one I don't mind waiting a little bit longer for. I just hate waiting for stuff!

I don't think I'd mind so much if some things came NOW and some later- at least there would be a sense of moving forward, some feeling of closure; but having to wait for almost everything makes me feel as if I'm in quicksand, and the vine is just out of reach. I can't get my hands on it, because I have to work my way towards it first. And that takes time.

I know God does everything good, and He does so in His time, but He is eternal, and my lifespan is like that of a gnat compared to Him! He's got all eternity to do what He wants! And He's going to make me wait?!?

You bet your boots He is.

If I got everything I wanted right away, I would be a spoiled brat. He makes me wait (especially for the bigger stuff) because He wants me to learn patience, pray and work for it. Patience isn't in my genes; He has to teach me. And I am quite the lousy student!

I've decided to change my mindset to one of anticipation instead of irritation. Like a kid waiting for his birthday party- It's better to look forward to having all your friends over than to be grumpy because they aren't there yet!

I still want stuff NOW, but I'll wait. I'll have to wait- I don't have much of a choice in the matter! But I'll enjoy the wait, because God is indeed, good.

And when is He good? NOW!

Brain Meltdowns

I think too much.

There's so much going on in life lately that all I want to do is just curl up into a little ball with some chocolate, and hide under the bed for a month with the cats.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was hyper kinetic- that means my brain never shuts off. But I sleep, so I guess not. But I know I'm close.

I think about all the financial finagling we have to do in order to look for a house. I think about how to schedule my life around the kids summer schedule. I think about how I'll find time for writing, cooking, sewing, de-cluttering and face-painting. Yes, I do face-painting too...it's going to help with the financial finagling part. My thoughts are like the Internet- everything is connected to everything else, with no site blockers to help me slow down.

At one point there is so much to think about, my brain turns into jello and I stare into the abyss of a messy living room, unable to come up with a single synapse of brain function. And that's usually when the kids ask me for stuff.

I stare at them blankly. They smile (knowing I'm in 'meltdown mode'), repeat their request as if they're doing me a favor, and I nod with the enthusiasm of a sleep-deprived zombie. Some time later when I begin to show life once more, I see both kids on the computer, eating and drinking everything they shouldn't with blissful glee. I know better than to argue with the kids at this point- they could outwit me in a heartbeat. I schlump into the kitchen to wash dishes, in hopes my brain comes back for a visit.

Eventually my brain returns from it's mental hiatus, and I'm back on track- sort of. Things are still a bit fuzzy, but at least I can respond with more than one syllable! Things start to organize themselves in my mind, and I can start setting priorities on my elongated list. I stop thinking long enough to get some actual work done. Okay, so I never stop thinking, but when I focus on something physical (like dishes), I can let my mind wander to work on the other stuff I have to do.

I think I need to a new mantra. Too many times I find myself over-thinking matters that should only get ten percent of the time I actually spend on them, and Just Do It. But Nike already took that one, so I have to go with my own. Get Er Done! Nope...taken. Stop Thinking, Start Doing? Nope, I don't want to stop thinking, it's a writer's main tool. Stop Stopping, Start Starting? Nope, that won't work either. Hmm....

I need to do some serious thinking about this...don't you think? ;)