The Calm Before the Blessing....

There's an apprehension right before a thunderstorm...the sense that the world is muffled; birds streak for the trees but don't utter a sound, the wind stills, and there is an expectancy in the air of something big and powerful about to happen.

Then you start to feel it....

The wind picks up, then you begin to feel cool droplets of rain. The lower clouds scuttle underneath their bigger brothers- but then the rain stops, and the wind dies down again. You know it's not over, but you're disappointed. Where was the big show? The lightning, the thunder? It'll come, the storm promises, but not yet. Be patient.

This is where I am with God. He's making me wait again.

I love to watch thunderstorms. The excitement as a flash of lightning makes me jump, thunder booming so loud it makes the cats run for cover, tails fluffed so full they look like my static dusters. Such as it is with blessings, without the fluffy-tail part. When blessings come, it can be just as exciting (or more-so!) than any thunderstorm.

When they get here, that is!

When you get a raindrop instead of the expected downpour, it's hard to be thankful for that raindrop. It's like winning a dollar in the 'Win Millions' lottery- you won something, but (in the illustrious words of Garfield the cat) Big, Fat, Hairy Deal.

But that dollar is a dollar more than you had, and that raindrop did wet your tongue a little. You can feel God moving in the undercurrents of your life. You know something fantazmagorical is going to happen soon. That doesn't mean you don't want everything to happen now. 'You', of course, meaning me.

Dear God, You are eternal, and my lifespan is like a gnat compared to You. Please-oh-please-oh-please let something good happen soon! Either that, or make me live longer so I can wait!

Oh sure, I could ask for patience, but I'd want it right now, and I don't think He's in the mood to hear me whine.

I'll go pray some more, and find more things to write about to keep me busy. In the meantime, I'll thank Him for my droplets, but prepare my buckets for the rain!

I'm Melting!

I just turned on the radio. We're in the middle of another heat wave, the announcer says. Like I can't tell that by watching my sneakers melt.

In fact, I'm melting. Even with the air conditioning on full blast, I'm sweating like a racehorse. But all I'm losing is water, not a single ounce of it is fat. Otherwise I would be happy to turn off the AC entirely and sit in a baby pool butt naked until I was 110 pounds!

Humidity kills me. If there's an ounce of water in the air, I can feel it suppressing my breath, covering my skin in perspiration, and making me feel grungy- even if I'd just finished taking a shower! My hair falls about my face in a million little sopping wet ringlets, yet I never feel sexy like those ads they have at the gym. Melting into a little puddle of sweat isn't sexy- I feel like a wax statue under too many spotlights.

And heaven forbid I try to take in a little cold water- it either evaporates on the way down, or gives me brain freeze that lasts three hours. I feel a lot better when I dump the ice-water over my head though- now my ringlets are a bit more sexy, because I can smile without my lips melting off!

I'm looking down at my radio, which is slowly transforming into a pool of plastic and wire. The announcer begins to sound garbled, like his lips are sliding off his face. Time to go.

I'm going to climb into the freezer to cool off. Remember to keep that AC on, leave some ice in the pet's water dish, and then come join me before my lemonade freezes! There's always room for one more!

I Have to Wait?!?

What is God doing to me?

There's a lot of stuff going on here, but I have to wait for it. I want to have a yard sale NOW. No, I have to wait. I want to get a new house NOW. No, I have to wait. I want the syndicate to call me, NOW. NOW would be really good. In fact, NOW would be monumentally fantastic! But no- I have to wait.

Patience is a virtue that I simply do not posses. Not even a mustard seed's worth.

It's beginning to affect my everyday life too. I want dinner NOW. But I have to cook it first. I want to lose weight NOW. But I have to eat right and go to the gym for the next five years. I want the perfect life NOW. But I pretty much have to die first. Well, that one I don't mind waiting a little bit longer for. I just hate waiting for stuff!

I don't think I'd mind so much if some things came NOW and some later- at least there would be a sense of moving forward, some feeling of closure; but having to wait for almost everything makes me feel as if I'm in quicksand, and the vine is just out of reach. I can't get my hands on it, because I have to work my way towards it first. And that takes time.

I know God does everything good, and He does so in His time, but He is eternal, and my lifespan is like that of a gnat compared to Him! He's got all eternity to do what He wants! And He's going to make me wait?!?

You bet your boots He is.

If I got everything I wanted right away, I would be a spoiled brat. He makes me wait (especially for the bigger stuff) because He wants me to learn patience, pray and work for it. Patience isn't in my genes; He has to teach me. And I am quite the lousy student!

I've decided to change my mindset to one of anticipation instead of irritation. Like a kid waiting for his birthday party- It's better to look forward to having all your friends over than to be grumpy because they aren't there yet!

I still want stuff NOW, but I'll wait. I'll have to wait- I don't have much of a choice in the matter! But I'll enjoy the wait, because God is indeed, good.

And when is He good? NOW!

Brain Meltdowns

I think too much.

There's so much going on in life lately that all I want to do is just curl up into a little ball with some chocolate, and hide under the bed for a month with the cats.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say I was hyper kinetic- that means my brain never shuts off. But I sleep, so I guess not. But I know I'm close.

I think about all the financial finagling we have to do in order to look for a house. I think about how to schedule my life around the kids summer schedule. I think about how I'll find time for writing, cooking, sewing, de-cluttering and face-painting. Yes, I do face-painting too...it's going to help with the financial finagling part. My thoughts are like the Internet- everything is connected to everything else, with no site blockers to help me slow down.

At one point there is so much to think about, my brain turns into jello and I stare into the abyss of a messy living room, unable to come up with a single synapse of brain function. And that's usually when the kids ask me for stuff.

I stare at them blankly. They smile (knowing I'm in 'meltdown mode'), repeat their request as if they're doing me a favor, and I nod with the enthusiasm of a sleep-deprived zombie. Some time later when I begin to show life once more, I see both kids on the computer, eating and drinking everything they shouldn't with blissful glee. I know better than to argue with the kids at this point- they could outwit me in a heartbeat. I schlump into the kitchen to wash dishes, in hopes my brain comes back for a visit.

Eventually my brain returns from it's mental hiatus, and I'm back on track- sort of. Things are still a bit fuzzy, but at least I can respond with more than one syllable! Things start to organize themselves in my mind, and I can start setting priorities on my elongated list. I stop thinking long enough to get some actual work done. Okay, so I never stop thinking, but when I focus on something physical (like dishes), I can let my mind wander to work on the other stuff I have to do.

I think I need to a new mantra. Too many times I find myself over-thinking matters that should only get ten percent of the time I actually spend on them, and Just Do It. But Nike already took that one, so I have to go with my own. Get Er Done! Nope...taken. Stop Thinking, Start Doing? Nope, I don't want to stop thinking, it's a writer's main tool. Stop Stopping, Start Starting? Nope, that won't work either. Hmm....

I need to do some serious thinking about this...don't you think? ;)

Mind Blowing Weightloss Discoveries!

You hear it all over the place. 'Take this and lose twelve pounds a day!' or 'Drink/Eat this and lose weight overnight!' It's all over our world, thanks to TV, radio and all of those other media devices that give me a headache just thinking about them. But do any of these 'diets' really work?

Some conglomerates have turned dieting into a business, making 'special' diet foods just for us fatties who need to look like Tyra Banks for that wedding next week (Love you Tyra, if you're reading this!). But the funny thing is, I have never seen a thin person eating any of these specially-made meals. Ever.

Thin people don't eat diet food! Nor do they take diet pills (at least those who are naturally thin). So what gives? Do they have some great secret?

Yep. And I've been watching those teeny-weenies just to learn it. (insert evil chuckle here) Want to know what it is?

I'm not going to tell you yet. But read what I did to learn the answer.

I watched as thin people ate. They enjoyed their food without it being the center point of their lives. And when they were full, they stopped eating. Even if they went to one of those all-you-can-eat buffets. If that was me, I'd get my money's worth three times over and waddle out of that place in serious need of an ambulance and some Tums.

What did they eat? Some had salad, some had fried foods, but most of them enjoyed the same stuff we do- they just didn't overdo it. And they drank water along with the regular drinks during the meal. Nothing really special, and no 'diet' platters. Not even diet soda.

But what do thin people do? I watched this also, and I can tell you that they are quite active. Moving almost all the time, but not always 'exercising'. Walking, taking the steps instead of the elevator...even moving as they sit at their desks in the office! And yes, some skinnies went to the gym, but they were more into the track and cardio stuff than weight training.

It sounds eerily familiar, doesn't it? Could it be that the answer is so simple? Could it be that there is no miracle drug or processed food that can make us thin overnight? And the worst thought yet- could it be that I might have to work to get this weight off?

The answer is....yes, dagnabbit. The Great Secret, the Skinny on the Skinny is this; these people get thin and stay that way is to....*gasp* Diet and Exercise.

And I don't mean 'diet' as in 'starve yourself until you faint', but 'see what your body needs and give it that'. Don't eat until you're stuffed- eat until you're body is satisfied- and that's usually portions about the size of your fist. Thin people don't usually eat a lot- unless they have the metabolism of a rabbit on caffeine.

Most thin people don't go to a gym, because they're constantly moving. I see them walking their dogs, jogging on the park trails, or just walking around the block on their work break. Not all do, but most of the people I watched did!

They enjoyed food without using it to comfort themselves. Weird. They actually liked walking a few miles in the park. I like walking when it's not too hot/cold/humid/dry/sunny/rainy or snowy. Okay, that's a lie; I like walking in the park during low humidity when the sun is out and it's abut 72.6 degrees. I think it happens twice a year. Then I start to sweat and make my way home.

I decided to take matters into my own hands- I talked to these thin people. And guess what? Some had tried the diet pills, or the conglomerates, and they only offered temporary results (and some lovely side effects). But when they changed their diets (some had food allergies to their surprise!) and started moving on a regular basis, their weight came off. For some it took a few weeks (just a few pounds) and for others it took months or years, depending on how much they wanted to lose. But they did it.

Some were thin all their lives and just lived life, not really understanding how someone could have 'let themselves go' like that. Let's just say there were some interesting conversations!

All in all, there is no quick fix. There is no rapid weight loss plan out there, unless you plan on working out six hours a day like they do on Biggest Loser. Basically, if you plan on sitting there like a lump, all you get is bigger, fatter lumps.

As for me, I'm going to the gym to work off my lumps, but I realize I need to do more cardio. Walking and swimming will be the first two on the list. Walking, because it gets me out of the house, and swimming because fat floats! And I like being in the water.

Strange but true....Diet and exercise as the answer! Who would've thunk it?

Verbal Fertilizer

We've all dealt with it at some point- verbal fertilizer (otherwise known as B.S.), permeates our lives every day, and we all need to recognize it! It can be a good thing, but most times it just gets in our way. So what kinds of verbal fertilizer am I talking about?

Gossip- 'Did you hear about....?' usually starts this one off on the latest dirt about friends, family and the latest neighborhood drama. Our hearing instantly becomes sharper when we catch this particular phrase in passing, and not one of us is immune to the temptation to eavesdrop on someone else's business, good or bad.

Bragging- 'That's nothing- wait until you hear what I did....' only makes us roll our eyes and seek out forgotten (yet non-existent) obligations. Some even revel in this one-upsmanship even if the event was horrible; if you nearly died in an accident, these people would reply..."That's nothing, I died twice, and I broke a nail clawing my way out of the coffin!"

Complaining- I heard a pastor say it would be interesting having our words smell like our attitude. Complaining would carry the odor of that rotting fuzzy green fruit lying in our crisper, giving off a stench that would gag a goat. Okay, so the didn't say that last part, but it's still an interesting idea. Would people would stop complaining if that happened? Maybe. Either that or breath mint sales would skyrocket.

False Flattery- 'You have the nicest children!' she said to the mother of the Children of the Corn...this does nothing to help the person in question, and makes the flatterer look foolish. Mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it. And if what you plan on saying can't be taken as anything but mean, then don't say it at all. False flattery might get you somewhere in the short-term, but in the end, it will catch up with you- like chili through a toddler.

So, is there good verbal fertilizer? I would say yes- just not the B.S. kind.

Speak truthfully, yet tactfully. Give real compliments of something you admire in someone. Brag about friends and family. Anything said that will grow a person instead of tearing them down. That's the good stuff! Especially waiting before speaking!

Think on this- a farmer has a lot of cow and horse poo. If he puts it on the field right away he'll do more damage to the soil because the poo will ferment, making heat and 'burning' the soil. But if he let's it dry out first and then puts it on the field, it helps the plants grow! So hold on to that poo you planned on dealing- it might just take a little drying before it can be used to better the world around you- and isn't that the best kind of verbal fertilizer after all?

Need Vs. Want- The Championship Playoff!

You'd think it would be simple- need means you can't live without it, and want means you can live without it but may not want to. Sometimes that line gets blurred and we find wants turning into needs.

We want a lot of stuff, but we don't need a lot of stuff. The wants become needs when we feel the want is needed and the needs we really need don't get needed as much as we want because we think we need what we actually want even though it's a want and not truly a need at all....well, you get the idea.

So let me make things perfectly clear. Sometimes a want can become a need, but a need will never become a want. And this is how you can tell the difference.

Basic needs are this- food (so we don't die), clothing (so we don't get arrested), and shelter (so we don't get sick and die from exposure to the elements). Supplemental needs would be work (so we can eat, have clothing, and shelter) and play (so we gain social skills and have relationships). However, if we are doing something that is supplemental, but is denying us the basics, that is a want, and not a true need.

For instance:
You have an online business. The computer is a need because it provides work so you can have the basics. But if you're playing Facebook games all the time and forget to cook for the family (or go shopping, or eat lunch), then the computer becomes a want. Don't ask me how I know this.

Ask yourself: Do I need this to live? At first you might say yes (especially if it's chocolate related), but take a good long look at it. Is it a true need or a real want? You might be surprised.

Let's look at another subject. Clothing. There's nothing wrong with wearing nice things, but if that dress you 'need' will make you dip into your mortgage to afford it, you might want to put it back and look at the clearance rack. You can still look good in a Wal-mart T-shirt instead of designer wear that costs you your first child at the register. Especially if you have a nice kid. Go for the T-shirt. Seriously.

What brought on this epiphany? I have to declutter my house and sell the stuff I don't need. And as I look upon book-filled shelves that would make a librarian faint, I'm thinking that I can get rid of one or two...hundred. Maybe. It's a want thing, not a need thing, and I know it. And this is going to be one heck of a yard sale!

I'm even looking at my *GASP!* kitchen gadgets. I don't care that I haven't used it in three years (okay...decades), you know the second I get rid of it I'll need it for something! Kind of like alligator repellent. You know it works because you've never see one on your house. In the city. On the second floor. So why get rid of it?

Well, I am getting rid if it. I hate to admit it, but I do love to collect gadgets and never use them. So this week and the next will be huge clean out, and then we're going to have our first ever yard sale in twelve years. There's a lot of want we don't need.

Take a look around your house. Is there something you can donate to a thrift shop that you never use? Or is there a lot of stuff that you could hold a yard sale and get rid of it all? You might be surprised- I know I was!